Street Law: The Series?

So according to my mother, I have four jobs: dogwalking, book writer, legal writer, and now, television producing-type-person. I don't really know what to call it. Only legal writing pays the rent, so far (dogwalking doesn't actually produce that much dough, unsurprisingly). But the television is by for the most ridiculous. Somehow, a visionary yet obviously foolhardy producer/director named Gabriel Tolliver has taken an interest in me and The Street Law Handbook. His credentials seeme pretty damn impeccable and we are on our way to VH1. Of course, I actually have to put the show together. Is it just me or was this on Seinfeld?

First of all, I don' t watch a lot of television. And what I do watch is pretty embarrassing: reruns of the Simpsons, Seinfeld, Golden Girls and I Love Lucy, animal documentaries, any non-home-decorating show on BBCAmerica, the sex-and-murder movies on Lifetime Television for Women (as opposed to the child-and-disease ones, which are downers), PBS Mysteries featuring very dry British actors, the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, historical biographies of royalty, writers or killers, Behind the Music (when it's on, which is not often), my show on MNN, and any miniseries from the 1980's that features exotic locales (my favorite is North and South, Books I and II). The only primetime show I ever seem to catch is Arrested Development, which is pretty funny, but I never remember to watch it. The only thing I do every day, rain or shine, is go to NY1 to see what the weather is and who killed who last night in Queens/Lower East Side/Long Island. If I'm a legal mood, I'll watch reruns of Law & Order (the original and Criminal Intent). All other legal shows are shit.

So there you have it. My entire exposure to television. The weird thing? My television is always on. I like to work with the sound of people talking in the background. I tried NPR, but I always get distracted or riled up and never get any work done. I should try classical music--that "Mozart for Babies" movement has got me thinking. The funny thing is that I never even look at the television. I prefer reruns because I've seen them all already and I barely register what they say.

(For the record, I can't go to coffeehouses to work for sound of people talking because those are real people talking and I get curious and start talking to them and never get any work done.)

But now, I need to start watching television, specifically VH1 and MTV and SpikeTV (God help me) . All those talking head shows with people giving carefully rehearsed opinions of the most ridiculous topics. (Already I'm visualizing my talking heads: Ice-T, Woody Harrelson, Tommy Chong and Moby. It's The Street Law Handbook Cast Recording, waiting to happen)

I can do this. I went to law school. I can write anything. It might even be good.

I might even get paid.