the lawyer writer

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Hootchie Stories

A ridiculously beautiful day, which means I accomplished nothing and will be up until 3 trying to do what I should have been doing all day. I ended up down in Union Square trying on party clothes at a hootchie store.

Ah, yes, allow me to elaborate. For those of my audience who are, well, guys, I will explain. I am not, exactly a hootchie. (actually, since I am no longer college aged, the appropriate description would be "floozy," and I am not that either). However, I, and other respectable impoverished females, have a secret hootchie store where we get our club/party/hootchie gear. Everybody knows what I mean: those one-shoulder fuschia tank tops; those stringy glitter halter tops; anything with "punk rocker" stenciled on to it. Trampy and trendy.

You could, as Paris Hilton does, buy out gorgeous, exquisitely-made cutting edge designer trampwear, but why bother? We are planning to dance in them, spill drinks on them, and talk our way into clubs with them. We don't care that they're going to fall apart in a couple washes; they'll be out of style by then anyway. So for these clothes we go to the hootchie stores.

The most bottom of the heap hootchie store is the "Everything Under $10 Clothing Store." This like all the hootchie stores I patronize, is a chain. (I've heard rumors of a "Everything Under $5 Clothing Store" that could just be folklore). The "Everything Under $10 Clothing Store" is serious about its title. You will geniunely find tops, pants, dresses, shooes, swimsuits, lingerie, sweaters and accessories, all under $10. The only mention of a natural fabric will the be a tag on some bustier that reads "50%Mylar 50% Cotton" only it's spelled "Cotten." Unsurprisingly, these shops offer very slim pickings as they are sized all wrong and often held together with staples. But once in a blue moon, you'll find a quality hootchie top there--not too vulgar, just revealing enough, and doesn't push your boobs into a weird place.

The top end of hootchie tops is H&M. H&M, whoever or whatever they are, are gods. These shops feature cool outfits at pretty decent prices. Some women dream of the Ralph Lauren store; I want one day and a credit card to shop at H&M's.

In between these two are the following, in descending order: Urban Outfitters, Forever 21, Joyce Leslie, Bang Bang, Contempo Casuals (beloved in high school, if it's still around) Strawberry, Wet Seal(another that may be gone)and Rainbow. Some of you not on the East Coast may not recognize the names, but I have patronized them all, with pride. That blue sequined/glitter tank? Wet Seal. The black vinyl pants? Bang Bang. That weird lacy camisole top? Urban Outfitters. That t-shirt I cut up to look punk rock? Rainbow. You get the drift. They are the reason that I will never pay more than $7.99 for a tank top--ever.

Now, you may think that at my age (i.e. above 17) I should not be purchasing clothes which were designed solely on paparazzi phots of Britney Spears. But I figure it's only hootchie if my whole outfit comes from hootchie stores, a la aforementioned P.Hilton. No, I distinctly remember Vogue magazine saying that every outfit should have at least one quality piece. I've always tried to follow that ideal, except that instead of the $3500 Chanel jacket, I have my $50 Express Anchorwoman black slacks.

If you have not guessed, this has nothing to do with being either a lawyer or a writer, but it is about how I spent my day. Which means that I will spend my night, here, typing. But it was a damn fine day.

(Ladies, feel free to enter your vote for the best hootchie store below)

5 Comments:

Blogger tessa said...

Best hootchie stores: 5-7-9 (if you don't mind knocking all the 14 yr olds out of your way) and Wet Seal (it's still around).

6:51 PM  
Blogger The Blah Brain said...

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