the lawyer writer

sometimes legal                     sometimes literary                     sometimes not

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Inside Inside Deep Throat

There seem to be an inordinate amount of horror movies out there, all featuring spooky kids. Greasy haired spooky white kids who like to sing nursery rhymes really slowly. This, of course, begs the question of why none of the dead Black or Asian kids get spooky. They must be in the pleasant afterlife. No--wait, The Grudge had dead spooky Japanese kids, but they looked less Japanese and more like Eddie Munster.

This isn't really what I want to write about, but actually, I've had a shitty day. A friend asked why I don't vent against my foes in this blog, but I'm not sure that makes interesting reading (which should be among the writer's top priorities, I think). If, for example, I were to describe the beautiful but evil book packager who has spent a year weaseling out of contracts with an animal-like cunning, then I would be seen only as vindictive. And, on the other hand, if I were to rail against the pampered, completely irresponsible so-called author who is using my words as his own, but "doesn't know when he can pay me,"--well, really, how much of that can one endure? (No, really, I'm asking you. At what point can I hire a hitman?)

The day started out fine but disintegrated into a mess and I should probably do you the courtesy of sparing you what I could not myself be spared.

So, instead, I would like to talk about Deep Throat. Not mine in particular, but Inside Deep Throat, the documentary on Deep Throat, the Porn Movie. (As opposed to Deep Throat, Chekov play upon which the film was based) (God, that isn't even my line. I'm actually borrowing material here.)

Anyway, the documentary is very sharply done, and a really cool commentary on my favorite subjects (sorry, mom) sex and law. What I didn't quite know was that before Deep Throat came out, it was virtually impossible to show a graphic sex scene on any movie theater. Of course, once it became "porno chic," everyone from Jack Nicholson to Dick Cavett was slumming down in Times Square to see it. (Actually Jack was already down there)

The off-screen stuff was just as interesting (if less limber) than the naked people on-screen: dozens of obscenity trials in various states to shut the movie theaters down, a federal prosecution of the leading man (he was found guilty, but never sent to jail), the argument that the film was immoral because it promoted the idea that a clitoral orgasm was actually equivalent to a vaginal one (...um? I can't even think of a joke here), and a somewhat light-in-the-head leading lady who went from nobody to sex symbol to porn-hating feminist to, well, fifty-year old porn queen. And of course, all this repression led to a monstrously successful, yet resolutely mediocre porn industry where the women now look like blow-up dolls and the men are like gay Chippendale dancers, and you just know that if the director yelled cut they'd climb off each other and rather coolly reapply their body glitter. Sure, in the old days they had those gross handlebar mustaches, but at least they all looked like they were having fun.

Okay, I've got to go. I'm starting to sound like a crochety old lady and my jokes are bitter and bad. And, well, since I spent most of the 70's being generally under the age of six, I may not actually know what I'm talking about. All I remember was the wood paneling on our station wagon, and that boys had cooties.

I think they still might, actually. Discuss amongst yourselves.

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